Ah yes, we’re talking about the Wankpanzer, the Deplorean, and the Incel Camino. Possibly the most dangerous and poorly designed vehicle since the likes of the Ford Pinto and the Chevy Corvair. Where is Ralph Nader when we need him? Oh, according to Wikipedia, he’s 90-years old.

Anyway, here are two things you need to know about me for this story. The first is, I live in Topeka, Kansas. The second is, I don’t like to leave the house unless I absolutely have to. Nothing against Top City, I just don’t like to leave the house in general.

In the past 6 months, I have seen three distinct Cybertrucks in my limited travels around town. I know they were all different ones because they were all sporting different wraps. One was camo, the next one was black, and the most recent one was in its natural stainless steel.

Yes, if I see you driving a Cybertruck, I am going to automatically assume you’re a douche canoe. It’s not my fault you fell for the marketing from a balding man-baby whose kids don’t talk to him.

But my question is, who are you trying to impress, in Topeka? While it may be the capital of Kansas, do you know what goes on in Topeka? Fuck all, that’s what.

When I first moved here, I was shocked (no pun intended) to discover that Topeka even had a Tesla charging station. Do you want to know what the funny part is? The charging station is in the parking lot of an Arby’s. If that doesn’t sum up Topeka in a nutshell, I don’t know what does.

In conclusion, Cybertrucks are status symbols for the stupid. You deserve the ridicule.