If I could be serious for a moment.
(Lights dim, soft piano music plays)
We here at The Trench Reynolds Charity Foundation are always looking for ways to help better our community and our country and this Thanksgiving should be no different. While many of us are scrambling at the last minute to try to get a turkey for our families and coming up empty-handed I say that we should no longer terrorize the poor turkey.
As we all know the turkey would have been our national symbol if Ben Franklin had his way. That makes the turkey an also-ran. A runner-up. A loser. Not to mention that the turkey is a bird so stupid that it will drown if it looks up in a rainstorm. As Americans, is this how we want our holiday feasts to be looked at? Feasting on a sub-par, sub-intelligent, too stupid to live, ugly bird? No, of course not. We’re Americans, we’re all about being the best that we can be. We’re all about being #1. So why would we want to eat an also-ran bird? That’s why my friends I am imploring you as a proud American to start a new Thanksgiving tradition. A tradition where we feast on the noblest and proudest of all birds and PETA be damned…
That’s right my friends as Americans we should all Eat The Eagle. This Thanksgiving we should all have a piece of America inside us.
God Bless America and Happy Thanksgiving.