The 2003 Trenchie Awards

To close out the year that sucked much ass I bring you the 3rd annual Trenchie awards. Pickings were slim this year as I didn’t do a whole lot this year. So let’s get this over with.

Best Move I’ve Seen This Year: Not a banner year for movies as I’m not a LOTR geek but I’ll have to give it to 28 Days Later. A nice little twist on the zombie/apocalypse theme.

Worst Movie I’ve Seen This Year: Highlander: Endgame. You do not kill Connor MacLeod. He is THE Highlander. Blasphemers.

Best Album of the Year: Life is Killing Me by Type O Negative. I think that’s the best album title ever. Strong album too. A healthy mix of the previous 4 albums.

Worst Album of the Year: Dance of Death by Iron Maiden. Lame title. Lame cover. Lame album. And I’m a huge Maiden fan. A big disappointment considering how much I liked Brave New World.

Best TV Show of the Year: 24. Duh.

Worst TV Show of the Year: The Simple Life. Reality shows suck in general but does anyone really give a rats ass about these two skanks if their clothes are on?

Best Wrestling Moment of the Year: When the ring collapsed after Brock Lesnar superplexed The Big Show. Total holy shit moment.

Worst Wrestling Moment of the Year: When Kane attached jumper cables to Shane O Mac’s balls. I can only suspend my belief in reality for so much.

Best Video Game of the Year: While other people were shooting up Vice City I was destroying a major Japanese city in Robotic Alchemic Drive by Enix. I mean what’s cooler than giant transforming robots destroying cities while they fight each other? It’s a hard game to find so pick it up if you see it.

Worst Video Game of the Year: Simpson’s Skateboarding. Another failed attempt in the long line of sucky Simpsons games. Tony Hawk, it ain’t.

Best Movie Line of the Year: No winner this year. Nothing sticks out in my head as I write this plus I didn’t see a whole lot of movies this year. Unless you count the beginning of 28 Days Later when they were experimenting on the monkey and were making it watch violent television while keeping its eyes pried open. I turned to my wife and said…”Heh…Clockwork Banana.”

Biggest Dumbass of the Year: War protesters. Get a job, you filthy hippies.

Most Inane Political Agenda of the Year: After missing the mark in 2002 PETA is back in 2003 with PETA complaining that Arab terrorists were using donkeys to deliver suicide bombs. They didn’t care about the people being killed, just the donkeys.

Biggest Jackass Celebrity of the Year: So many to choose from this year. With Natalie Maines and Jeneane Garafolo coming in a close second but no one can even touch the jackassery that is Michael Moore. His offenses are too numerous to even try to list here.

Happy New Year everyone. I’m off to see the possum drop.

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