If I could get serious for a moment…
(lights dim and soft music plays)
My name is Trench Reynolds. And we here at The Trench Reynolds Internet Media Empire start thinking about giving during this time of the year. So we’ve come up with a program to help needy children.
You see, thousands of inner-city youths do not have proper clothing for winter, nor do they have any training to learn a trade. That’s where we come in.
For just a small donation of $50, you can send an underprivileged youth on an excursion to Alaska where they will learn to club baby seals and skin them. They will also be given the know how to make their own coat out of the baby seal skin.
For a donation of $100, they will be taken on a whaling excursion where they will harpoon their own whale or possibly dolphin.
And if you become a golden double secret extra crispy member by donating $500 one special child will know the joys of throwing toy poodles into a chipper shredder.
So please make all checks out to Club All Seals Heavily. Or just use the acronym CASH. So please give today because a live baby seal means a child is without a coat. Thank you.
The preceding was brought to you by Politically Incorrect Sarcasm Serving Offended Frumpy Families (PISSOFF). Which means this is a joke and don’t send me any hate mail.